It’s been said that the reason a dog has fleas is so that it won’t contemplate too much on being a dog. Isn’t that a nice thing to say about dogs...and fleas.

Dogs love being dogs. They live in the present. They have no concept of the future. You won’t find a dog worrying about Social Security running out of money. You won’t find a dog worrying about being put in a home by it’s kids. No, the dog will be put to sleep although it doesn’t know that either.

Fleas don’t worry about anything except it’s next meal. A flea doesn’t even worry about sex. It doesn’t know it has sex. One minute Mr. Flea is a blood-sucking parasite and the next it’s the papa of 20,000 kids...all of them wanting to eat. That’s the reason fleas bite so much. They have a hungry horde to feed.

Dogs and fleas go together like beaches and babes. Sure, the dog scratches itself bloody trying to get at the flea. The flea figures that’s just less work getting the blood. The flea can just lap it up instead of biting.

Fleas like to hang around rats too. Rats go to the best places. They also get the blame for the Plague. Rats are easier to see than the fleas. See a rat and see the Plague and, well, there you go. Dogs don’t like rats. Rats are smelly and leave the food bowl a mess.

Dogs wouldn’t mind fleas so much if it weren’t for flea collars, flea soap, and flea shots. Jeez, they think, just leave me alone and I’ll scratch the critters away. As a dog, there isn’t much else to do after he’s been petted, eaten, gone outside and took his nap. Keeps the boredom to a tolerable level.

The fleas don’t mind anything about the dog. Flea collars are a joke, flea baths are for body surfing and the shot doesn’t work. It only makes the fleas sterile. Since they don’t know they have sex they don’t know they’re sterile.

The dog will be laying there napping. Suddenly, it jumps in the air, whelps and starts rolling around on the carpet. You sit there wondering what that stupid dog is doing. What he’s doing is moving the fleas from him, the dog, to you, the human, by way of the carpet.

You start to itch and the dog goes back to sleep. The flea? It doesn’t care. Blood is blood.