Cyber-dating Replaces Reality

Computer dating is all the rage. It hasn’t a substitute for, “Hey, baby, can I buy you a drink?”. Not yet, but it will. Getting a woman sloshed first doesn’t work as well as it once did, partially because women are getting too slick for that and partially because women can hold their liquor better than men.

As Neil Sullivan once remarked, “Hey, listen, they’re perfect, beautiful, no stretch ,marks, no cellulite, no arguing, and free”. So true. They aren’t real either, but that’s a minor point. It’s minor until you get to a point where you want to have a relationship. No matter how much you send in, you get nothing from it.

Cyber-dating has come into it’s own. You can describe yourself anyway you care to.

“I recently earned my doctorate with my thesis, ‘Innerspace and Black Holes- Interstellar Racism?’ ”

She writes back that she recently got a grant to continue her studies of ,”The Dust Mite As a Perfect Organism”.

Eventually, things get to the point that the two want to meet. They know it has to be a safe locale, such as a police station where the woman can look through the mug shots before going out to dinner. During dinner, he finds out that she doesn’t seem all that bright for a Dust Mite expert. She finds out that he barely speaks English, although he was born here. They both are disturbed by the looks of the other.

She wonders if he got a really bad haircut or a really bad wig. He wonders why her eyes look pulled up to her hairline. He’s also uncomfortable holding his stomach in and wishes he had worn a girdle or something. She can tell the appearance of her bust is changing as the toilet paper get wet from perspiration.

Surprisingly, things appear to go well. They get comfortable with each other, letting their hair down, so to speak. He does literally. She can’t, literally. Soon, honesty replaces the lies as they confess the truth. He’s a part-time cook at McDonald’s and she’s a fish packer. They finally laugh it all off.

The next day they both change their e-mail addresses.