“This is the Captain speaking. I want to welcome you to Caribbean International Airlines. That’s C.I.A. for short. No, not that CIA. Well, it’s possible they own us. Heck, maybe I am a James Bond. Anyway, welcome aboard and enjoy the flight. Even if I am a CIA agent, and I don’t know that, I am a qualified pilot. Leastways. qualified enough for CIA.”

The stewards and stewardess’ quickly brought more rum drinks around. Heavy on the rum.

“Folks, we’re about to hit some turbulence so fasten those belts. Real tight. Me, I love turbulence. The barf bags are right above your heads. If you need extras just ask.”

The stewards and stewardess’ started drinking rum straight from the bottle.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad. My co-pilot passed out, the wimp, but I’m OK. Don’t worry about that engine that fell off. We can fly on one engine. Now, if it falls off we have a problem.”

Some of the passengers were reaching for their private liquor stock.

“Wowee! That’s a first for me. Never saw lightning actually hit a plane before. Boy, that’s a shocker. Ha, ha, ha. Don’t sweat it, I’ve seen wings that looked worse than that before. Mostly at crash sites. But, we’re still in the air. Just hang loose. Maybe sing some songs. Gospel songs would be real nice. Real helpful too.”

Some of the passengers were beginning to cry. The rest were either passed out or on the way to it.

“Well, looks like we made it. I can see an island below us. Not positive it’s the right one and I’m not sure where the airport is but I have plenty of fuel. Oops, take that back. Sittin’ on empty. Someone made a mistake when we took off. Could have been me. Now, I’m going to have to fly this thing like I did in the war. Wish me luck.”

A couple of the passengers were trying to break the door to the flight deck down. They didn’t think they could fly this plane but they felt certain that they couldn’t do worse.

“OK, I’m taking her down. Dang, the wheels are stuck. Let me try to kick them loose. Well, shoot, broke the handle. Man, what a piece of garbage this thing is. OK. hold on and wish me luck.”

The plane bounced up and down, slewed to the right and then to the left. It rammed a fire truck. Then it stopped.

“OK, we’re down. Thanks for flying CIA and be sure to try us again.”