Mr. Christian and Captdon decided to go sailing. It was a bad day for it. What was bad was that they were on the same boat at the same time. That has never been a good experience. Such as:

“Mr. Christian, question.”

“Arrgh, Captdon”.

“Is there supposed to be water in the hull?”.

“Arrgh! There’s always a wee bit of water seeping in.”

“Hmm. Wee bit? Is that the same as knee deep?”

“Arrgh!! Turn to starboard, matey, and be quick about it. We’re sinking.”

With a good wind at their back, a strong current and a good engine they made it almost to the dock before they sank. Fortunately, the water wasn’t all that deep. Deep enough, though. It took hours to bail the water out enough to haul the boat out of the water.

Still, that was better than not getting to the dock at all. That happened once or twice. The first time was at Remley’s Point. It started well enough. They got the boat into the water and out into the channel and hoisted sail. Went perfect. They sailed down the Cooper, under the Old Bridge, under the New Bridge and to the aircraft carrier.

“Look, Mr. Christian, dolphins!”, Captdon pointed out.

“Arrgh! They may be dolphins or they may be sharks”.

Hmm, thought Captdon, sharks. He remembered the Great White from “Jaws”. That fish could eat this boat...and everyone on it.

“Mr. Christian, let’s head back”.

“Arrgh!”, Mr. Christian agreed, looking at the dolphin-sharks.

The getting back was easy. The getting back into the boat launch proved a bit more challenging. You had to go between the posts fast enough to make it in but slow enough to drop sail and maneuver to the boat ramp. On their first attempt they had to turn hard to starboard to avoid hitting the posts. Very hard to starboard.

This put them back in the channel in front of a car carrier.

“Arrgh!”, yelled Mr. Christian.

“Arrgh!”, yelled Captdon.

They finally made it in when Mr. Christian took the rudder and Captdon did the navigating. Mr. Christian told Captdon to drop sail as soon as they cleared the opening. Problem was that Captdon didn’t know how. They crashed into the posts on the other side. That dropped the sail.

They decided to launch from Sullivan’s Island the next time. Their theory was that eventually they’d luck out. They launched the boat from the beach with no problem. They hoisted sail and were off. They sailed out into the ocean and circled Ft. Sumpter. They waved at the tourists on the tourist boat. The tourist, of course, thought of them as seasoned sailors. It was a heady experience.

On the way back to Sullivan’s Island Captdon asked Mr. Christian, “Mr. Christian, are all the channel markers number 17?”.

No, just the one they’d been sailing at for ninety minutes.

“Mr. Christian, the marker hasn’t changed except for being on the portside instead of the starboard side. We seem to be moving sideways”.

Mr. Christian knew that. He also knew they were headed for the private docks at Old Towne. Where they weren’t headed was forward. Still, once the tide changes there shouldn’t be any problem.

“Arrgh!”, Mr. Christian yelled out.

“Beg you pardon?”.

“Arrgh! The rudder just broke”.

Captdon didn’t know what to say to that. Guess they were going to have to depend on luck for sure. Mr. Christian thought about abandoning ship. Then decided to try to get a tow.

The first boat to come by was flagged for help by Mr.Christian. The captain of that boat flagged Mr. Christian a signal that said “no” but in an insulting way. The next boat did offer to tow them to the beach. They consoled themselves with the thought that the boat hadn’t sunk.

Mr. Christian Senior decided to go out with them. He also made it clear he was in charge. He had been told some stories. Mr. Christian Senior wasn’t going through their shenanigans. He took absolute charge. It seemed to work. They got into the water fine, they sailed down to the harbor fine and they sailed out into the ocean fine. Mr. Christian Senior felt comfortable.

Captdon was feeling uncomfortable. His bladder was full. He knew they were a long way and a long time from docking. His bladder wasn’t going to hold that long. No choice but pee in the ocean. Everyone does that. The fish have to. No problem.

The problem was all the boats in the vicinity and Captdon’s shyness. He finally peed over the harbor side of the boat. This got the attention of some of the tourists. It was the best thing they’d seen on their tour. Now they were happy. They could go home and say they saw a sailor peeing in the ocean.

As they hauled the boat out of the water Mr. Christian Senior told them that’s how it was done except for the peeing part. Then he slipped and fell off the boat and broke his arm. Mr. Christian Senior had slipped on some diluted pee that he hadn’t noticed.

“Jeez, Dad, let’s get you to a hospital. I think the arm is broken”, Mr. Christian said.

“No, call 911”, was the response from Mr. Christian Senior .

“Gee, Dad, it’s just up the road. We can get you there quicker”.

“Yes, but right now I have a broken arm. I want it to stay that way. I don’t want to get there hurt worse than I am. Call 911”.