The Reverend Mr. Black

Bubba and Earl were sitting on the steps of the Hotel Royal. Bubba was smoking a cigar and drinking a Royal Crown Cola. Earl had chaw in his cheek and was drinking a Diet Pepsi. He’d found it. Someone probably hit the wrong button. Earl didn’t care. He had a free soda, a warm Diet Pepsi.

The Hotel Royal wasn’t a hotel anymore and it surely wasn’t royal either. It was the sort of place you live in on your way to being homeless. The people and the hotel were all derelicts. The guys liked to sit there because no one bothered them. No one except the Rev. Mr. Black.

The Rev. Mr. Black stood in front of them with his hands on his hips. He wasn’t so much staring at them as he was glaring at them. Bubba liked to pretend the Rev. Mr. Black didn’t worry him but he didn’t make a lot of eye contact. Earl was scared to death of the Rev. Mr. Black.. Earl believed that the Rev. Mr. Black had the power to send Earl straight to Hell. The Rev. Mr. Black. believed it too.

“Well, well, well. Here it is, the middle of the day and what are you two shiftless no-accounts doing? Nothing! You are doing nothing! You should be working! The Lord expects folks to work, not sit around waiting for good fortune”, the Rev. Mr. Black told them.

“Wahl, Revren’, Ah ain’t been to lucky like a late in findin’ decent work”, Bubba told him.

“And I’d say you haven’t been too diligent in seeking it either”, the Rev. Mr. Black.

Bubba didn’t know what diligent meant but he figured it wasn’t a compliment or sympathy.

“The Good Book say, ‘Seek and Ye shall find’. You two hear the seek part?”, the Rev. Mr. Black.

“Wha, Ah worked a day ur two jus’ last week fer Tom Toomey raht out at his farm”, Bubba told the Rev. Mr. Black.

“And I heard it was to pay off a gambling debt. I need to speak to Thomas about that.”

Earl hadn’t said a word and wasn’t planning to. Let Bubba get lectured and let Earl get left out of it. Earl would have sneaked off if the Rev. Mr. Black wasn’t so observant.

“Earl, don’t you go sneaking off. I have a few words for you as well”, the Rev. Mr. Black told him.

“Wah, preachah, Ah weren’t doin’ no such a thing. Ah were jus’ stretchin’ mah legs a mite”, Earl lied.

“You need to use those muscles more, like in working. You two can’t go on living off the good nature of the good folks in these parts”, said the Rev. Mr. Black.

“Huh? Iffen folks wants ta be nice ta us, Ah don’ see as we can rightfully says no ta ‘em. Thet don’ seem polite, iffen ya ask me”, Bubba told him.

“Folks here are nice to you because they feel sorry for you and you’re harmless”, said the Rev. Mr. Black. The he stomped off.

“Bubba, is folks feelin’ sorry fer us? Ah don’ know as Ah like thet”, earl said.

“Earl, Ah don’ know hows folks feel about me, but Ah knows they feel real sorry fer you. Ta be real honest, Ah think yer the sorriest thing around these heah parts”.