Earl Votes

Bubba and Earl were at Darryl’s trailer drinking beer on the patio. The patio was a plastic table and four plastic chairs. They could see under the trailer since Darryl hadn’t finished the skirting. He had the front and sides done with whatever he could scrounge up. Some concrete blocks, a little bit of vinyl siding and a section of skirting made of bricks he found, or stole. The bricks weren’t to even or straight but neither was Darryl.

Bubba was drinking his beer slowly and in moderation as was Darryl. Earl was pouring it down. This made Earl happy and Darryl unhappy since it was Darryl’s beer Earl was squaffing. As Earl got drunk he was telling them about voting.

“Ah tell ya’ll, they ain’t nuthin’ to et. Ya shows them your drivin’ license and they lets ya vote. Dangdest thing Ah evah heerd a. Wah, anyone could vote”, Earl began.

“Earl, everyone is supposed ta vote. Jus’ some a us don’ reckon et makes no difrance no way”, Bubba told him.

“Yea, Earl, et ain’t like et gonna change anythin’ foh folks like us’n”, Darryl agreed.

“Yea, Ah knows thet. Still, Ah got ta hep elect a President”, Earl went on.

“Earl, you be durn near to illerate. Ah bets ya don’ even know who ya voted for”, Bubba replied.

“Wahl, thet may be but Ah voted which is more’n you two did, Ah reckons”, Earl argued.

“An all three a us is a sittin’ heah at Darryl’s drinking beer same as always. Thet be the facts, Earl”, Bubba told him.

This went on until Earl got too drunk to talk straight. He had long since gotten too drunk to think straight. He wasn’t that good at thinking when sober. He was losing the arguement and knew it. He always did but, when drunk, got upset about it. He suddenly jumped up and yelled out, “"Friends don' allah friends ta be drivin' drunk noways". Then he fell face first to the ground.

“Wahl, Ah guess ole Earl done had enough for one night, wouldn’t ya say, Bubba?”, Darryl said.

“Yea, reckon he has, the idjut”.

“Wahl, Ah’ll gives ya a hand tossin’ em inta the back of your truck”, Darryl told Bubba.

“Wahl, Ah’ll gives ya a hand tossin’ em inta the back of your truck”, Darryl told Bubba.

“Ain’t tossin’ em in mah truck. No sir. Don' wan' 'em pukin' in the back a mah truck”.

“Wahl, Ah don’ wan’ em pukin’ none on my patio. Ah don’ want em sleepin’ heah neither. Trixie comes home an’ sees Earl layin’ there she’ll be right pissed off”

“Oh, Ttrixie’s ahright. Heck, leave em be an’ Ah come by in the mornin’ and gets em”.

“Bubba, Ah don’ want em oukin’ in mah yard”, Darryl said.

This from a guy who ran his sewer pipe through the yard to the woods and drained it there. He figured, being next door to a large hog farm, no one was going to notice the smell.

“Nah, he won' puke none iffen he jus lays still”, Bubba told Darryl.

“Wahl, Ahm guessin’ Trixie be a nice girl and always did take pity on ole earl. Ya sees to it thet ya comes by early for em”, Darryl said.

“Oh, sure ‘nuff. Hep me turm 'im ovah so's he don' drown in his own puke iffen he tosses up”.