Jumpin' The Bridge

Bubba and Earl were driving across the Old Cooper River Bridge. They were right under the new one being built as a replacement. As they drove on, Earl said to Bubba, “Ah likes the new un already. See hows they done left thet middle part open? Thet’s gonna make drivin’ across a whole lot funner”.

Bubba wanted to slap his head at thet. He wanted slap Earl’s head at thet. He would have except he had one hand on the wheel and the other hand wrapped around a beer. He didn’t want to spill the beer, and it was in his right hand, so he replied, “Earl, you gotta be fer sure the dumbest guy on this heah earth, iffen not the whole danged planet. They ain’t gonna leave it thet way, ya dummy. They jus’ ain’t got it thet fur yet, ya dummy”.

“How ya know thet? You seen the drawin’s? Have ya, huh? I reckon ya ain’t so ya don’ know whet ya talkin’ ‘bout a tall. Bubba, ya thinks yur so durn smart but ya don’ know everythin’”.

“No, Ah don’. Ah nevah saad Ah did. All Ah saad were ya was the dumbes’ guy on earth iffen ya believes thay gonna leave thet thar bridge like it be. Ya evah seen one like thet?”, Bubba retorted.

“No, can’t say as Ah haf. Thet don’ mean they ain’t one somewhares. Ah ain’t done been ‘cross ever bridge they is an’ you ain’t neither. Et also don’ mean theys ain’t decided to do this heah one thet a way. Ya don’ know your own self”, Earl went on.

“Earl, this is gonna be hard fur ya but think on et. Theys gonna be ole ladies drivin’ on the new un. Ya think the state gonna makes them try to jump on ovah to the uther side? Ya think some bus gonna fly across thar? Heck Almightah, Ah not a hunner per cent sure this heah truck a ours could do et. Ah’s a hunner and ten per cent sure no ole lady or no bus gonna do et. Use yar head fur somethin’ ‘sides wearin’ a hat”, Bubba argued.

“Wahl, Ah reckons ther be true enuff iffen ya thinks ‘bout it. How ya knows the state boys is thinkin’ thet a way. Maybe some a them engineer fellers be good ole boys like us and jus’ up and decided to do et. Durn thing already paid fur. Fur sure ain’t nobody gonna come on back and fix et”, Earl argued.

“Good ole boys like us? Thet whet ya saad? Like us? Earl, ya dummy, them boys wouldn’ even let us work on this heah bridge. Ya think good ole boys had anythin’ ta do with decidin’ how this heah bridge were gonna be made? Ya thet durn stupid?”, Bubba responded.

“Well, umm, well, nah. Ahm a guessin’ ya right on thet. Iffen we ain’t gonna get us hired ta work on ‘er Ah reckons ain’t one a us gonna say whet she gonna look like. Ah admits ta thet”, Earl conceded.

“Well, Ah’s happy ta hear thet. Ah were startin’ ta worry some ‘bout ya thinkn’ somethin’ so durn dumb as thet”, Bubba told Earl.

“Still, ya gotta admit, et surely would be more funner iffen they was ta leave et thet way”, Earl said.

“Wahl, ya got me on thet part. Et sure enouff would be funner”, Bubba agreed.