Bubba And Earl Talk About The Marryin' Kind

Bubba and Earl were sittng at the bar at Billy Joe’s Roadside Bar quaffing a few beers. Earl was being kind of quiet. That was a bad sign. Bubba knew Earl was either thinking of gettting into a fight or thinking up an idea. One was bad and the other was worse. Earl couln’t do either one very well.

Finally, Earl says to Bubba, “Ya know that ole rock song about marryin a ugly woman? He mighta had himself a point”, Earl said.

“Yea, Earl, right on top of his haad. Hitch up with a ugly woman. Thet’s jus’ plain stupid”, Bubba responded.

“Wahl, reckon it depens on how ya was to think on it”.

“No, it jus’ plain stupid, Earl.”

“Wahl. ah don’ know. We both done gone out with an purty gal or two. Always the same thin’. They spends all our money and then they drops us like when ya picks up a pile a ripe manure”, Earl defended his idea.

“Now, ah didn’ want to hurt yur feelin’s none but yur idee’s er always dum, rahl dum”, Bubba told him.

“Nah, thet ain’t so”.

“Ya called up Arlene Waters and tol’ her ya couldn’take her out ‘cause ya had a chance to take Millie Henry out. Thet’s dum, Earl, dum. I still thinks Arlene done be the one thet shot your winders out”, Bubba explained.

“Yea, ah think so too. She’s a nasty shot. Reckon she were more jealous then ah thought. Anyhoo, think on it. We’s been talkin’ ‘bout gettin’ hitched an-”

“Earl, ah ain’t never thought a marryin’ you. I ain’t thet a way”.

“Nah, Bubba, ya didn’ let me finish. Ah was thinking thet we oughta marry us a ugly woman. Purty ones always got men hangin’ round like dogs sniffin. Like as not, ya come home to find ‘er run off with some salesman. Worse. ya come home an’ find her all tangled up with ‘im. Then ya gots to shoot ‘em”.

“Wahl, course ya does. So what be yur point, iffen ya gots one”.

“Wahl, with a ugly gal, no one gonna be drawin’ no water from yur well. No worryin’. No nothin’”, Earl concluded.

Bubba looked at Earl hard like. This one almost makes sense, except for one thing.

“Earl, iffen ya marrys a ugly gal, thet means ya gotta sleep with a ugly gal”.