“All Ahm a sayin’, Bubba, is thet uglah folks has uglah youngun’s. Lookie et Tank n Millie Murdoc. They’s plumb uglah uglah. Lookie et them youngun’s a thar’s. Uglah’rn sin. Can’t argah thet”, Earl said.

“Yea, ole Millie is ugliah then week old roadkill. Heck, en school, even you wonna take ‘er out and you weren’t none too particulah, as Ah recalls et”, Bubba responded.

“Ah admits mah standards weren’t none to high, but Ah neavah even thoughta askin’ Millie no place.”

“Problem with yer idee es thet Tank didn’t start aht uglah. Et were thet shotgun blast he took ta the face whet done thet. Afore, he were a good lookin’ fella.”

“Yea, he were werent he? Maybe gettin some a yer face blowed off changes ya dee an a”, Earl said.

“It’s DNA, not D and A”, One-eyed Jack, the owner and bartender, told Earl.

“Wahl! Lookie heah. This here guy be a scientest’n a barkeep. Lissen, whah don’ ya - ”, Earl started to say. One-eyed Jack reached across the bar and snatched Earl up by his scrawny neck.

“Earl, I know your stupid and you know I can hurt you real bad. I don’t like being made fun of, especially by the likes of you”, One-eyed Jack told him. He then tossed Earl back onto his stool. Earl would have fallen if Bubba hadn’t caught him.

“Wahl, ya ‘er biggah then me. Ah’ll bets ya wouldna dun thet ta Bubba.”

“Earl, you know I wouldn’t have done that to Bubba. Your the one that’s stupid, not me.”

“Anywho, as Ah were a sayin’, uglah folks jus’ can’ help havin uglah youngun’s. Takes yer good lookin’ guy hitched up ta a uglah gal. Them kids maht turn out kindah average like. Same thing, yer sweet lookin’ gal marryin up with a uglah man.”

“Earl, ain’t no good lookin’ man gonna marry no uglah gal nohow. Ah flat garantee ya, no good lookin’ gal evah gonna hitch up with no uglah man. She ain’t nevah gonna go no place with ‘em a begins with.”

“Wahl, Ah reckons thet be raht. Me, Ah’m plannin’ on a marryin’ a good lookin’ gal. Ah ain’t a havin’ no ugly younguns”, Earl responded.

“Earl”, Bubba said, “yer so outhouse uglah, ya could marry up with Miss Americah and you’d still have uglah younguns.”

“Bubba, thet’s jus’ plumb crazy. Where would Ah meet Miss America?”