Earl Maybe Got Shot
Bubba was sitting in Billy Joe’s Roadside Bar drinking beer and arguing politics with Daryl. Neither of them knew spit about what was going on but that never stopped them. Billy Joe told Bubba he had a phone call from Earl.
“He kinda sound a mite excited”, Billy Joe told Bubba.
“Bubba!! This be Earl. I dun got shot. Ah’s bleedin’ somethin’ fierce!”, Earl yelled.
“Whah?”, Bubba asked.
“Out heah by Fred Cartah” place.”
“Ah, meant, whar’d ya git shot?”
“Ah tol ya. Out heah by Fred Cartah’s. Bubba, Ah’s a hurtin’ an’ ain’t got no time fuh foolin’ with ya. Ah-”
“Earl, Ah’m a wantin’ ta know wheah on ya body ya get shot en”, Bubba explained.
“Oh. Ah ain’t ‘xactly sure. See, Ah was fixin’ ta grab one a Fred’s chickens when Fred comes on out and yells, ‘Show yurself, whoevah ya be’. Wahl, natrally Ah ain’t about ta do thet. Ah ain’t stupid. Then Ah gone done an’ sneezed. Old Fred says, ‘ Ah heahs ya.’ Then he commenced ta shotin’. Ah don’t think he rally knowed whah Ah was by no danged sneeze. But then, Ah weren’t takin’ no chance a him gettin’ a lucky shot neither. So, Ah took off. Ah run right smack inta them danged ole brambles. Ah hurts rahl bad.”
“Earl, ya don’ even know effen ya shot no way. Fer a guy thet jus’ got shot up, ya sounds purty lively ta me.”
“Iffen Ah don’ git some help soon, Ah’m gonna be deadly, thet fur sure”, Earl responded.
“Earl, lissen up heah? Ya needs ta be a callin’’ 911.”
“Whet?! They’d come on out with them thar lights a goin an’ Ole Fred’d have a clear shot at me. Ah ain’t thet stupid.”
“Wahl, iffen Fred did shoot ya, ya’d have medical folks right handy.”
“Bubba, Ah wants ya ta come an gits me, thet’s what Ah wants”, Earl moaned.
“Earl, wheah ya callin’ from?”, Bubba asked.
“Whah, from thet phone booth down the road a piece from Fred’s”
“Wahl, Ah’ll tell ya sumpin heah. Thet phone booth got a light?”
Bubba heard a yelp and then some thunks. Then he heard a crashing sound.
“Bubba, ya still theah? Ah threw some rocks at thet light an’ busted et clear out. look, ya comin’ fer me ur not?’
“Yea, Ah be right along. Ah don’ think ya is shot no how but Ah’ll come git ya”
Earl heard Bubba’s truck coming down the road. Bubba didn’t have a muffler. As the truck came up alongside him, Earl popped the door open and started to get in. Bubba, seeing Earl, stomped on the brakes. Earl then slammed his head into the door. He managed to get in and Bubba took off.
“Thanks, Bubba. Ah owes ya one, thet’s fer sure. Whet’s in the poke?”, Earl asked.
“Thet? Thet be a chicken Ah dun stole from Fred Cartah”.