BS Is An Art Form

Bs isn’t short for brain surgery. Many bs’ers need brain surgery according to their family and friends. They don’t understand.

“He’s full of....”

Right there you know it’s not a neurological problem but a gastronomical problem.

Fact of the matter is that it’s a grand art form. Many try but few truly succeed. There are people who are masters of the form and others that just can’t pull it off. A true bs’er is not like Leonardo DaVinci; more like Picasso on drugs. There’s no fine line between reality and unreality. It all a matter of what will fly and what won’t.

The very first thing to bsing is: never let a fact stand in the way of the story. Facts can be changed or ignored. Always remember that it’s the story that counts, not the truth; not the facts. If you bs well enough, the bs becomes the truth and the truth disappears into the abyss...and the dog chases it’s tail. People can be fooled easily. Lincoln once said, “You can fool some of the people all of the time; you can fool all the people some of the time but you can’t fool all of the people all the time”. That proves that Lincoln was a bs’er himself. You can fool all the people all the time.

An accomplished bs’er has learned the defense to the statement, “Wait a minute. Last time you told this story you said.........”.

The proper response to this is no response. Ignore it as if it hadn’t been said. A true bs’er isn’t listening anyway. Keep right on telling the story and ignore the critic. If you’re any good, even the critic with the memory will be buying the newer version.

The story can’t be so unrealistic as to be impossible. It can be as improbable as you want. Who’s to say you haven’t climbed Mt. Everest without a Sherpa guide or an oxygen mask. The only way someone can say that is to try it. If someone did that you’re still safe since, without a Sherpa guide and an oxygen mask, they’ll die and dead men tell no tales.

A bs’er is consistent. He, or she, will bs in conversations and writing; in social gatherings and group therapy. Bs the boss and your co-worker. Don’t bs the wife or husband. They not only know the truth but have some power over you.

A bs’er starts young. It’s a genetic trait, not a learned skill. For instance, you might discover this God-given talent when the teacher notes on your report card that, “Johnny has trouble with stating the facts”. Or, “Johnny lies through his teeth”. That’s a clue you might have the bs talent. It also might be that you simply lie through your teeth. If, as you advance in school, telling your stories and not seeing these remarks on your report card, you know you’re a bs’er and not a pathological liar.

As a young adult you get to put all the practice to practical use. You need a jib and have no saleable skills. You can’t let that stop you. You can bs the skills and learn them as you go along.

“Hmm, this is done differently here than my last place. I’ll catch on quickly enough”.

You’re filling in your name on the application at the time. If you can pull that one off, you’re set.

In middle age, you use you’re skill to fool people into believing you know a lot about a lot of things. You become the guy, or gal, to go to for advice. The advice you give is bs but , since that’s not known, it sometimes solves the problem. It also, sometimes, aggravates the problem. Either way, you win.

As you get through old age and finally die you get your final tribute from one of your grandchildren.

“Grandpa always did tell a good story even if it was all bs”.