“Charlie, next door is washing his car”, Marianne told her husband, Blobbo.

“Yea?”.

“Homer, on the other side, is too”.

“Yea?’

“it’s a nice, bright, sunny day. Perfect for washing a car”.

“Yea?”

Blobbo was picked up by some friends to go to a day game at the Jake. They had a good time, eating hot-dogs, drinking beer and dropping the garbage on the floor. The game was okay too.

Marianne was taking the garbage out when she noticed that Blobbo had left the car door unlocked. It was like a gift from Heaven. She started in on that car like a hurricane on the beach. She first filled five bags with garbage, some of which had colonies growing on them.

Then she started scrubbing the seats. Some of these stains looked like, but weren’t, loose bowels. They smelled like, but weren’t, loose bowels. It took three scrubbings to get them down to a small stain. The smell. like loose bowels, stayed.

She cleaned the windshield and was almost blinded by the light, as the song goes. How did he see through this? The dust she brushed off set off her asthma but she soldiered on to the finish.

Then she washed the outside. The water running down the drive was black. The neighbors thought about calling the health department on her but were to proud of her courage. Eventually, the water was running just slightly brown. Marianne figured that was as good as it was going to get.

She used up three cans of disinfectant on the interior setting of a mass exodus of various bugs. They thought they’d found a perfect nest. Now they’d have to immigrate to another car.

Marianne also found thirty dollars in nickels, dimes and quarters. Also, twelve Pepsi cans, twenty Mars bars wrappers and her birthday gift from six years ago. She was going to open it but threw it in with the rest of the trash.

She was proud.

Blobbo was aghast. He thought, at first, he had company. Then he remembered his car was white originally. What the heck happened here? Was there a thunderstorm while he was gone? A very local one? No, more like a hurricane. Then his wife popped out of the car.

“What did you do to my car?”

“Cleaned it. I’d fumigate it if I could”. “If I wanted it clean, I’d a done it myself. How could you do this? Stay out of my car. You know I won’t allow you to even ride in it”.

“It’s your own fault”, Marianne told him.

“My fault? How’s it my fault?”

“You left the door unlocked and you married a woman.”