Going Out In A Blaze Of Glory

Women wonder why men do such stupid things. They wonder why men speed, jump lanes and tailgate. They wonder why men stand on their roofs to clean the gutters by leaning out. They wonder why men will change an electric outlet without turning the power off first. They think men are nincompoops.

Nope. That’s not it at all. All men have this secret death wish. All men want to go out in a blaze of glory. They want to be remembered that way. Mostly, men die in bed, incontinent and befuddled. It’s not what they want. They want to leave life like a streaking meteor.

Now, understand this. Men don’t want to do anything that will cause them to die in a blaze of glory. They want to die peacefully and painlessly. The blaze of glory is just a pipe dream like wanting to sleep with a super model. Not going to happen so it’s safe to dream it. Faced with either thing and most men would freeze.

Sometimes, other factors enter into it. Drunkenness is one of them. Drunk, men will do things that approach a blaze of glory. Drunk, men will think the woman seated at the bar next to them looks like a supermodel. The lucky ones pass out before they get into trouble. The others go out in a literal blaze of glory, if the wife finds out and if she finds the gas can.

Simple-mindedness is another factor that gets underplayed. Men will clean out the garbage disposal by using a fork and then turning the disposal on. Having a fork stuck in his head is just the way things go sometimes. He could have been using a knife instead. Then he might end up with two parts in his hair, or dead.

Showing his manliness by opening a bottle of beer with his teeth is run of the mill. Having no teeth left at age twenty-five is also run of the mill. A man will only reluctantly agree to Novocain. Fortunately, the dentist will “talk” him into it if the dentist is a guy. They know the rules too. If the dentist is a woman, all Hell breaks loose. One thing, though. A female dentist never looks like a supermodel even if she does. She just thinks he’s into pain so why not fulfill his fantasy.

Thinking a bar babe is a supermodel is stupid too but not as stupid as, say, playing golf in the rain. There he is standing in the middle of the fairway with a golf club in his hands. To put it another way, there he is standing in an open field with a lightning rod in his hands. This guy has a good chance of going out in a blaze of glory. He might get lit up like a Roman candle. If he does, his partners will say, “He was shooting his best round ever. Too bad he didn’t sign his scorecard”.