Multi-gazillionaire Marvin Mc Dougal decided to go after the Bigfoot. According to his PR spokesman, McDougal would spend as much as twenty-five million dollars on the search. He would do this ,"in the interest of science". That was a lie but that’s what PR people do. Lie. The real reason McDougal was going after Bigfoot had nothing to do with science. He intended to put it in a zoo and charge money. McDougal didn’t need more money, he just wanted more money.

    To head up the expedition he selected Professor Eli Chester. Professor Chester wasn’t a zoologist or even an anthropologist. He was a professor of English Lit. English Lit? As McDougal explained it to his Executive Assistant, "No self-respecting scientist would do it. I don’t want some nutcase heading it up."

    His Executive Assistant couldn’t think of a response to that. Couldn’t think of one that wouldn’t get him fired. So he said, "Great idea, boss."

    Professor Chester wasn’t going to agree to it at first. Why would an English Lit teacher do this? Then McDougal told him why. Money. McDougal would pay as much as he could make in ten years. All Chester had to do was announce the project and then the success. Chester thought it made a lot of sense then.

    Next came the leader of the actual expedition itself. McDougal interviewed several candidates before the final interview with Hank Hollings.

    "Mr. Hollings, before I decide I’d like to clarify a few things", McDougal told the big hulk.

    "Hey, call me Buffalo. That’s my nickname. It fits. I’ll call you Marv", Hollings interjected.

    "I think you should call me Mr. McDougal. I don’t think it proper for hired help to be on a first name basis with their employer. It might give people the wrong impression".

    "You’re going after Bigfoot and you’re worried about the impression you’ll give? You’re chasing a ghost in all likelihood. And, even if not, you ain’t gonna get it no matter who you hire although I’m your best shot. If it was real and could be captured, which it ain’t and can’t be".

    "Oh, it’s real. Why do you think it can’t be captured?"

    "Cause it don’t wanna be."

    "Don’t think you’re up to the job?"

    "Sure, I am. I was a Navy Seal."

    "Bigfoot lives in the woods not in a river. You told me you were a Green Beret."

    "I was. I was in the Seals as an undercover agent for the Air Force."

    Bigfoot was walking along munching on a root. Bigfoots are veggies. They are still in the gathering stage of the hunter-gatherer part of the evolutionary process. That’s if the Big Bang Theory is valid and not just more scientific bs meaning,"we don’t know". So, Bigfoot was strolling along, munching away, not knowing an adventure was about to begin. Not caring either. How many times have humans tried to get him and failed? They think they’re so smart but can’t catch him or the Yeti or the Abominable Snowman or Al Gore smiling. Yea, real bright creatures they are.

    Buffalo Holllings was sneaking around the Oregon woods looking for signs of the Bigfoot and wondering if he was really losing his sanity or was he just doing a job. Not a job that needed to be done; not a job that someone had to do. In fact, the more he thought about it the crazier it looked. So, Hollings fell back on his CIA training. He stopped thinking about it. The FBI drummed that into his head. Don’t think! If we wanted you to think we would have hired a smart guy.

    There! A footprint. A huge footprint! This Bigfoot looked to be pretty big. Really big. Hope the drug works as good as he was assured it would. Hollings had some experience with drugs. That’s why he wasn’t with the SWAT team anymore. Another footprint! This is one big critter. Need to have a drink. Maybe two.

    Bigfoot could see the human looking at his footprints in between swallows. Should he show himself or hide? These humans get all excited when they see him. They point and holler and yell and wet themselves and run. They especially run. Bigfoot always found humans to be amusing and entertaining.

    Humans weren’t very good in the woods though. How they managed to survive and take over was beyond him. Humans were, to be blunt, stupid. They were small and weak. They also had bladder control problems. They had an odd smell about them that you could pick up a mile away. Odd and unpleasant.

    There! What was that? Something moved up ahead of Buffalo Hollings. Something big. Something hairy. Something big and hairy. Now might be a good time to get the dart gun ready. No sense waiting until he caught up with the creature, especially in case the creature caught up with Hollings first. It was getting awfully quiet in the woods. It was if the other animals knew something that Hollings didn’t. That wasn’t a good thought to have, now was it?

    Hollings slowly reached into his pocket for the dart loaded with a sleeping drug. No sudden movements. Nice and easy. Real slow like. Ouch! Oh, no! Hollings could feel himself getting sleepy. His life was passing before his eyes and it was an ugly thing to see.

    Bigfoot stood over Hollings as he slept. What a laugh the gang would have over this one.