While it's true that low calorie beer has made some inroads it's doomed to failure. It's mostly skinny women buying it and they don't drink that much. Guys with beer bellies, the true market, don't want low calorie.

"Hey, Herb, you losing weight. Your belly looks smaller", Frank says.

"Yea, the old lady wanted me to try some a that low calorie crap. No taste. I can see my toes now, she tells me. Why would I want to see my toes?"

The low calorie stuff tastes the same even when it goes flat. What does that tell you? It doesn't even look like beer. It looks like ginger ale.

"Hey, Mike, I see your wife got you on the wagon."

"Nah, this is some of that low calorie beer."

"Yea, that's what I said. Why not drink some of that near beer? Least it looks real"

Now, down South, they have some low calorie beer of their own. It's called moonshine. What you do, if you're not a native, is drop a shot into your beer and chug it. You pass out and there you go, no more calories.

"Dang, got me annah one of then turists."

In Nebraska they have their own form too. It's called, "What the hell is beer?"

In California they- never mind. I'm not going there.

It won't take long for the liberals to think we have too many fat guys and need the Federal government to step in. Soon as they can they'll take all the calories out and tell you it's for your own good. They, of course, will go to Cancun and drink Mexican beer. I hope they strangle on the worm.

Picture eating pizza with all the toppings and then getting a low calorie beer. I've seen that. I've laughed at that. I've gotten a dirty look or two.

The worst thing about low calorie beer is that you can't belch as well. Sure, you bring a little gas up but nothing to brag about.

"Did you just belch, Carl?". the wife asks.

"No, I eructed ."

"What?"

"That's another word for belching. I won't use belch with this crap you have me drinking."