The latest controversy in the medical field is about dust mites. Medical research exists to cause controversy. There is never a report saying that , “research has proven that aspirin relieves pain”. No, the 75 million dollar grant was used to study dust mites and, dang it, something has to be wrong. So, they announce that using those expensive bed covering have no effect on allergies to mite bites.

The doctors, who have been hustling them all their careers, disagree. That’s a surprise. Think of this conversation happening.

“Jimmy, I have something to tell you. You may not, stop staring at my nurse’s chest and listen. I know you had a severe control problem when, okay, nurse, you’ll have to leave. Jimmy, the lobotomy was the choice I thought was best. Turns out it wasn’t. According to a study at the Haitian Technical School, a drug would have done the same thing. I’m sorry. Can’t put the brain piece back in. Heck, probably went into some sausage. Sorry”.

Regular people have always known that medicine wasn’t science or art. They always knew it was bunk. Take Mrs. Igotaman and her friend, Mrs. Ladidah.

“So, I bought those sheets. They’re wonderful. Now when I get up to pee at midnight there’s not a bite on me”, Mrs. Igotaman tells her.

“Yes, dear, but in the morning it the same.”

“But not at midnight. I swear by them”.

Dust mites are more commonly called bed bugs. Since you spend more time in bed than any other single space it’s the place to be for a dust mite or the right kind of wife. They feed off discarded skin. With the tossing and turning and, in some cases, other actions, there is a lot of rubbed off skin to eat. They exist in couches, chairs and carpet but these ones usually have a shorter life span and are deformed. Sort of mutant mites.

No one is real sure what dust mites drink. They don’t go very far since it would take forever for them to get anywhere. They must exist on whatever fluids they come across. There does seem to be a correlation between the population of bed bugs and those who wet the bed or drool.

There has been no research on what the dust mites actually do since they are invisible and hard to test in a lab. It’s believed they act on pure instinct since their brain could only have three or four cells.

These medical research teams have billions of brain cells. They only just use three or four.