You've heard people say, "Couldn' do nothing. He had me in a bear hug". There's a reason for that saying. When you're out in the woods and see a bear stay away from it. It's not just a larger version of your old teddy bear even if it looks and smells the same. Go over and hug that bear and it'll hug you back. It will also break your back. Don't do it.

Most snakes are harmless rodent eaters. They slither around not bothering anyone. If a snake sees you it usually slithers away. It's considered great fun to pick up a snake and play crack the whip with it. Yea, it is. Every now and again you find a snake that isn't harmless and doesn't like to play crack the whip. What it does is curl back and bite you. Since these idiots who play crack the whip with snakes don't carry anti-venum serum, they die. Some fun, eh?

Bear in mind that squirrels in the wild are not the same squirrels you see in the park. They don't come up to you and wait for a handout. In the wild keep be sure to remember that a squirrel is a rat with a bushy tail. You wouldn't try to apprach a rat so don't try to approach a squirrel.

Wolverines even scare the bears. They are mean and nasty just to be mean and nasty. That's when they're in a good mood. In a bad mood, you don't want to be in the woods with them. You sure don't want to be teasing them. They are the world's greatest fighters. We should have airdropped a bunch of wolverines on Iraq. It would have been a one day war.

As you're walking along you knock a spider's web down while watching a bear steal honey from a bee hive. You've made one mistake and are about to make a second one. You see the bear eating the honey and the bees, while buzzing around, don't seem to be doing anything about the theft. Don't seem to be.

The fact is that they are stinging the bear like crazy. It's just that the bear has a thick hide and really doesn't care. So, after knocking the web down, and waiting for the bear to get his fill of honey, you try it. Well, your hide isn't that thick. You manage to get away from the bees only to run into the spider who's web you knocked down.

The spider lives there. He works there. It's how he supports himself. You destroyed his whole way of life. So, he bites you. Since most honey-stealing,bear hugging,snake whipping, wolverine teasing, squirrelly idiots don't carry anti-venum serum, they die.

Remember this the next time you go walking in the woods. Leave nature alone. How mankind ever made it without getting rid of the idiot gene is a wonder.