The prosecuting attorney from the Judge Advocate's Office was questioning the Captain of the USS Jonah.

"Captain, where you when the mutiny started?"

"Uh, I was in , uh, hmm. I was in the head", the Captain reluctantly responded.

"Oh, I guess they caught you with your pants down, so to speak", the Lt. Commander commented.

"Yes, they did. It was embarrassing, degrading and humiliating. I hope you hang them and then keel haul them!", the Captain yelled.

"Objection, sirs. You can't keel haul someone after you hang them", the defense said.

"You can't hang them period. We don't hang sailors anymore", the head of the Court-martial Board told him.

"Huh? My book must be an old one."

The defendants all started coughing at that. The odds just went down. The mutiny didn't start as a mutiny. It started as a bitch session and got out of hand, way out of hand. They all went to the Captain's Quarters for a group gripe. Not getting an answer, they got concerned and went onto his quarters. Not seeing him they decided to check the head. The Captain, seeing most of his crew trying to cram into his head, got the wrong impression. That's their version of the events. They weren't going to change it now.

The defense was Ensign Palmer. He had finished last in his class. He was ROTC and had to serve 4 years in the Navy. It was just as well since he wasn't offered anything else. Even the ambulance chasers didn't want him. The Navy didn't either but a deal was a deal.

Palmer approached the Captain with what he thought was an air of confidence. He looked plain silly.

"Captain, didn't the disgruntling start when you banned smoking?", he asked.

"Objection, sirs, there is no such word as disgruntling", the prosecutor said.

"Objection overruled. This is interesting and the crew needs everything they can get."

"There was a good reason for that. The supply officer added too many zero's to our requisition of beans. The base supply officer saw that and decided that there was enough beans to last the entire cruise. That's all we got. Beans. Breakfast, lunch and supper. Light a match and we'd have gone up in flames."

"You wrote some of the crew up for not saluting. Isn't that a little bit of an ego problem?", the young ensign asked.

"It's Navy Regs", the captain replied.

Palmer didn't know that. No one ever saluted him.

"Didn't you , uh, overreact, panic a bit".

"No. Half my crew was cramming into the head. There I was, relaxed and relieving. Suddenly a crew of foul-smelling, foul-mouthed men and women were shouting at me. It was a mutiny. I was smoking one of my cigars. See, I had my own supply of food. I didn't have a gas problem. The situation sort of exploded."

The Board found the crew guilty. They were sentenced to another tour on the USS Jonah. The Captain was retired. The supply officer was sent to prison on a bean and water diet.

The base supply officer was made the new captain of the Jonah. He wasn't allowed his own food supply.