Dwayne was an odd-looking guy to say the least. To say the most, for that matter. He got a lot of cruel remarks. That was ignorant but it’s not like he was born deformed. His deformities were all self-inflicted or his own fault.

Dwayne always had thin hair. Eventually it was so thin he got third degree burns on his scalp from going to the beach. He decided to do something about it. He sent off for a bottle of “Mexican Magic Hair Growth”. It was guaranteed to grow hair, “on your chest even if you were a woman.” Dwayne was surprised at that. He thought Mexican women were born with hair on their chest.

The directions said to apply a generous portion to your scalp, rub it in, and wash off after 5 minutes. Dwayne did this. After a week, he seemed to be thinner than before. He tried leaving it on for an hour. Still thinner. He sent for a case. If rubbing it in was supposed to work then drinking it would really do the trick.

The next day, in the shower, Dwayne looked down to see that he was bald everywhere. He glanced in the mirror and he was completely bald! His hair was in the bed. It never grew back.

The time before that he came into Jojo’s Bar and Grille Cafe with a large bandage on his right ear.

“Hey, Dwayne, what happened?”, Jojo asked.

“I cut my ear.”

“Musta been a big cut judgin’ from that bandage.”

“Yea, well, they had to sew it back on. Don’t know if it’ll take.”

“You cut your ear clean off? How?”

“I was giving myself a razor cut and I slipped on the wet floor.”

He was working on his roof one morning. The ladder fell. Dwayne thought he could jump out and grab a branch of the tree and get down safely. He could have if he hadn’t missed the branch. He was on crutches for two months. He also developed a limp.

His missing fingers was a result of steadying a plank he was cutting. Dwayne later told people that the cut was straight as an arrow. He also told folks that it wasn’t, “as if I cut the whole hand off. It was just three fingers. I still have the thumb too.”

He always said that it wasn’t his fault the time he nailed his other hand to a frame he was making. He didn’t realize he was pulling the trigger. The paramedics didn’t quite know what to do. The doctors didn’t either. They finally got a carpenter to get his hand free.

He started shaving with an electric razor after losing most of his lower lip. He also found out that battery acid didn’t clean and whiten your teeth. It ate them up. Some of the tongue too.

The missing foot came from forgetting to put the safety on his shotgun and then tripping. Dwayne wanted to know what the odds were of both of those things happening. Most people thought the odds were low unless it was Dwayne. Dwayne keeps trying to find someone with his right foot missing. Maybe they could do a deal on shoes.