Tom Clancy's Astroplane

The Astroplane was designed and engineered from a Tom Clancy novel. Clancy told them he made it up but they fabricated it to his specifications anyway. It works like a charm. It can takeoff and land as a typical plane. It can fly as a typical plane. It can also go into space. It is a sensation. Clancy wants unspecified money for this. The government says no, due to the top secret nature of the plane. The response that the design is known to anyone who read his book has no effect.

“I designed the Astroplane!”, Clancy told the Director of Whatever.

“So? It’s been classified Triple Top Secret”, the Director told Clancy.

“It’s in my book. Everyone who read already it knows about it!”, Clancy responded with exasperation.

“Well, then, there you go. You’ve made money from it”, the Director pointed out.

“Not from you I haven’t!”.

“Nor will you. Come on. Tell you what I’ll do. I’ll order the IRS not to audit your taxes for the last ten years. How’s that?”, the Director said with a grin.

“There’s nothing wrong with my taxes!! What’s this crap!!”.

“Oh, come on. The IRS will find something. If not, they can always make something up. No one knows what the tax code is anyway. Good day, sir”.

The Chief Pilot, and commander of the plane, is Col. Truman “Watch this one” Rush. His nickname came from his saying that before he did something a plane can’t, or shouldn’t, do. Things like landing twenty feet behind a fighter plane, or twenty feet in front, causing the fighter pilot to takeoff again. Fighter jocks have no fear. That’s why they can do the things they do. They were scared to death of Rush, saying he was “too crazy to be real”.

When they installed the new SuperCam, he tried it out on his bestfriend Billy’s House.

“Hey, Billy. I can see right into your windows with this SuperCam. Hmm, didn’t know mailmen made inside deliveries. Billy? You there?”.

One time, while bored,Rush spotted a Chinese satellite. He decided to buzz it. The satellite turned this way and that way to see him but Rush was too fast. All the Chinese knew was they had been buzzed by someone or something. They weren’t too happy about it. They didn’t know who did it or how but they knew who could do it and decided to raise a stink about something.

“Taiwan. We can no longer tolerate this irrationality in our national boundaries. This harassment of our spy satellites is like a sore that won’t heal”, the Chinese Ambassador angrily told the U.S. Secretary of State.

The Secretary’s response was, “Yea, one of our pilots is like that too”.

Another time he flew out to the Hubbell and took a look at himself. Since the Astroplane wasn’t known, it caused a panic at the various observatories. Word leaked out and people were panicking. The world thought it was an alien ship.

He once sent photos of a travelogue to the National Reconnaissance Center, causing an agency-wide panic that the U.S. has been invaded by Somoa.

Houston Control, the CIA, the DIA, NSA, NRO and the President finally had enough and told him they were going to “reassign” him. Rush said they weren’t.

“I’ll tell everyone I was fired. Those guys in Congress will tear this administration to shreds. Half of them wish they were me.’

The Operations Director for the Astroplane set a timer on the air release with a code only she knows. She told Rush,

“Act up and I don’t send the code on time. Got that? Well, have a good flight and breathe easy, okay?”