A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".

She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as oldas I am and have beena nun as long as I have, you get a chanceto see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothingyou could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.

"She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:#1, you have to be single and#2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single andCatholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married andI'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

It's a summer holiday weekend and a man walks into a butcher shop that has a sign in the window saying "Ground Sirloin: 29 cents per pound." The man says, "I'm having a cookout this weekend. I'd like 5 pounds of your ground sirloin, please."

The butcher shakes his head and says, "Sorry. I'm all out."

The man, disappointed goes down the street to another butcher shop and asks, "How much is your ground sirloin?" The proprietor replies, "It's $3.29 per pound."

"Three twenty nine!?!" exclaimed the customer. "Just up the street he sells it for 29 cents!"

The butcher smiles calmly at the gentleman and asks, "Does he have any?"

"No. He's out of it right now."

"Well," says the butcher. "When I don't have any, I can sell it for 19 cents per pound!"

Gilbert and Freeman were discussing conditions in the legal profession. "How's business?" asked Gilbert.

"Absolutely rotten!"

"What now?"

"It's discouraging," Freeman replied. "I just chased an ambulance twelve miles and found a lawyer inside it."