The police officer got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the officer said.

The kid replied, "Well, I got here as fast as I could." When the officer finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
 

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.

The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"

Next they passed the House of Parliament - started in 1544 and completed in 1618.

"Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!"

As they passed Westminister Abbey the cab driver was silent.

"Whoah! What's that over there?" asked the Texan

The driver replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."
 

A woman sees a beautiful tennis bracelet in a jewelry store window. She goes in and asks the clerk if a small deposit will hold it until her husband does something unforgivable.
 

A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs."

The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?"

The girl said, "I don't know. I don't eat cats"