The wife never quite got the hang of the 24-hour military clock. One day she called the orderly room to speak to her husband. The person who answered told her to call me at the extension in the band rehearsal hall.

"He can be reached at 4700, Ma'am," the soldier advised.

With a sigh of exasperation, the wife responded, "And just what time is that?"
 

The guy wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway.

"I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?"

Being a good sport, she accepted.

When her husband went to the dock for the maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."
 

An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout. "You must use all your years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here."

The trusty Indian Scout laid down and put his ear to the ground... "Large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint ... many, many guns. Medicine man also with them."

"Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???"

A cowboy went to buy an insurance policy. The agent asked, "Have you ever had an accident?"

"Nope," replied the cowboy, "last summer, a bronc kicked in two of my ribs ... and a couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit me on the ankle."

"Wouldn't you call those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled agent.

"Naw," the cowboy replied. "They did it on purpose!"