A young man in college called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the girl of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the girl came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.

"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."

"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.

"We hadn't started eating yet."
 

A customer calls the round-the-clock tech support hotline to ask what hours the call center is open.

"The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week," says the technician who answers the call.

Customer asks, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
 

Two men were driving through Texas when they got pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolled down the window and WHACK, the cop smacked him upside of the head with his nightstick.

"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.

"You're in Texas, son," the trooper answered. "When we pull you over in Texas, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."

"I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license. He's clean and so he gives his license back. The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the trooper also smacks him upside of the head with the nightstick.

"What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands.

"Just making your wish come true," replied the trooper.

"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked.

"Because I know your type," the trooper says, "Two miles down the road, you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, 'I wish that ass would've tried that crap with me!"