Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game with their habits partially blocking the view, three men decided to badger the nuns.

In an effort to get them to move, one of the men said in a very loud voice, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns there."

The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns there."

The third guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns there."

Sister Mary Elizabeth slowly turned around, smiling brightly and looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said "Why don't you go to Hell..... There aren't any nuns there".

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, " the price will be only $5.50."

From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only 50 cents?"