A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check.

"There's no charge," he says.

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice."

"So I just switched the heads."
 

When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, "You have a cute baby."

Smiling, I said, "I'll bet you say that to all the new parents."

"No," he replied, "just to those whose babies are really good-looking."

"So what do you say to the others?" I asked.

"He looks just like you."
 

On a visit to his wife's native England for our honeymoon, he arrived at London's Gatwick Airport.

His new bride headed for the British passport control line while he, an American, waited in the foreigners' line. When his turn came, the customs officer asked him the purpose of my visit.

"Pleasure," he replied. "I'm on my honeymoon."

The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other. "That's very interesting, sir," he said as he stamped his passport. "Most men bring their wives with them."