Doctor: I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse?

Patient: I was just following your orders, Doc.

Doctor: Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order.

Patient: You told me to avoid people who irritate me.

A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds - and girth - was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership.

When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, "Now what would it take to get you into one of these?"

Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied, "Probably a crowbar."

A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 90-foot embankment, turned over, and burst into flames.

There were no injuries.

During a Law course class, the 'Audi Alteram Parten' rule was explained. Translated it means "To hear the other party".

After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if there was anyone who didn't understand the rule.

Responded one man, "My wife".