I Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

II If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

III Marriage is grand... and divorce is at least 100 grand!

IV Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

V When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is !!! (lol)

VI Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one !

VII Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking !

VIII Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife !!! (doh) !

IX Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband ! (good hey girls) ?

X Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished !
 

"What happened to you?" asked the bystander of the man lying on the sidewalk outside of the beauty parlor.

The man shook his head groggily and rubbed his bruised chin. "Well, the last thing I remember was my wife coming out of the beauty salon. I took one look at her and said, 'Well, Honey, ... at least you tried.'"