|Jokes floating around the net|
A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants in a study of
obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who
had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they
got 300 responses the day after the ad came out. All from the same person.
A couple of Texans are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other Texan whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's 'dead'."
There is a silence..........then a shot is heard.
The Texans's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now what?"
Two men were driving through Texas when they got pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolled down the window and WHACK, the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.
"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.
"You're in Texas, son," the trooper answered. "When we pull you over in Texas, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."
"I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean and gives the guy his license back. The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and"WHACK", the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
"What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands.
"Just making your wish come true," replied the trooper.
"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked.
"Because I know your type," the trooper says, "two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, 'I wish that craphead would've tried that with me!'
A group of blondes in a class at Texas A&M University were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole.
So they went out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they fell off the ladders, dropped the tape measures and pencils -- the whole thing was just a mess.
An engineering student came along and saw what they were trying to do.
He walked over, pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it flat, measured it from end to end, and then gave the measurement to one of the blondes and walked away.
After the engineer had gone, one blonde turned to another and laughed: "Isn't that just like a dumb engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"
He was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a rolled up magazine.
"Ouch!! What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with an iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came too, he asked, "Now what was that for?"
She replied, "Your horse called".
Bravery is arriving home late after a boys night out, being confronted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?