A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband asked, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanted to know if the coast was clear".
 

Two blondes are walking down the street, when one notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!".

So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says "You Dummy ! It's me !!"

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy ... W!"

What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"
 

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"

"Yes officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree !! I swerved to the left and there was ......"

"Uh, ma'am" said the officer, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
 

A blonde was driving home, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop.

The shop owner decided to have some fun, and told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard and the dents would pop out.

So, she went home, got down on her hands & knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder and still nothing happened.

Her roommate saw her and asked, "What the heck are you doing?" She told how the repairman had instructed her to blow in the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said...... "Uh, HELLO !!! You need to roll up the windows first!!"
 

A blonde's doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, ... from skipping"