Beware Of The Dog

Arnold Swartzeneggar was out for his daily saunter around the Capitol. He loved to mingle with the common person. He would get a lot of attention and he has a huge ego to feed. He also would have a variety of groppable women he could avoid gropping. He wanted to get Troudeau to change his Arnie drawing to something other than a hand. Doonesbury was more consequential than all the other publicity combined.

As he was walking along he saw a “Beware of the dog” sign. He stopped for a second and heard his followers and groupies snickering. He thought they were chortling at him hesitating by a “beware of the dog” sign. He, the action hero, the muscle man, the Kennedy in-law afraid of a dog? Nein!, he thought.

He opened the gate and walked into the yard, calling out, “Dug, cominzee herr!!”. Nothing. Again he called out, “Dug, cominzee herr!!”. Still nothing. Well, guess this was one smart dog that knew who to mess with and who not to mess with. That’s what Arnie thought. He thought wrong.

From around the side of the house stormed a gorilla, a very enraged gorilla. Arnie put up the best fight he could but no one, even Arnie, was going to beat a gorilla. No one. The owner told the cops later that he put up the “Beware of the dog” sign because no one believed his “Beware of the gorilla” sign.

As Arnie lay in his hospital bed, his good buddy, Jim Carrey, came to visit. Carrey bounced into the room doing pratfalls, making all his faces and telling all his jokes. Arnie was laughing very hard even though the laughing was hurting him. He’d have liked to reach out and smack Carrey but he was hurting too much and Carrey was too quick. Arnie decided there would be another time for that.

A nurse came in to check on Arnie. She was beautiful; absolutely stunning. Arnie could feel his hands twitching. Here was a Groppable Goddess. He looked down at his cast encased hands and started to cry. Carrey, who thought she was beautiful and sexy enough to be an actress, a model and his roommate, decided to approach her.

He approached her as Jim Carrey, the madcap, comedic actor instead of Jim Carrey, the one definition from certified crazy.

Later in the evening, Arnie looked over at his new roomie and said, ”Servenze right, dumcoff!”.