America has a day for everything, it seems. Not just the biggies like Christmas, Mother’s day and Thanksgiving. We also have Secretary’s Day, Take a Child To Work Day, Dwarf Day and National Ancestor Appreciation Day. This last one was very recent. I, for one, appreciate my ancestors. Without them, I don’t know where I’d be. Ancestor is usually is thought of in terms of your dead ancestors, not your parents or grandparents. It’s just the way it is.

I celebrated the day by visiting them. The dead ones. I started at the Pearly Gates. That was a problem. St. Peter got a stricken look on his face when I walked up. He grabbed a book and began searching frantically through it. He finally yelled out to me, “Hey! You’re not even dead yet! You can’t come in here! Even if you were dead, I don’t think you are coming in here! Uh, oh, I just gave it away!”

“Hey, Pete, don’t sweat it. I’m just here to tell my ancestors how much I appreciate them. That’s all.”

“I doubt you have any ancestors here. You can’t come in! Uh, we , umm, we have standards. We , I mean, even as a visitor, uh, go away!”

I didn’t notice anyone from my family appearing at the gate. I don’t know if that means there aren’t any there or if they didn’t want to be seen with me.

Now Purgatory was a different bottle of beer. The gatekeeper said I could come in but not stay, like I wanted too. I wasn’t dead yet and he didn’t know if I even qualified for Purgatory. The gatekeeper said it with a sneer as if that would bother me. I'm used to that. I had to wonder how much sin he had to pay off to get into Heaven. He seemed happy enough in Purgatory. He probably had a bad thought everyday, on purpose, just to stay there.

I ran into a cousin who had died very early. Age 21. I was happy to see him again. He wasn’t an ancestor since we were the same generation but it was good to see him. He was less than thrilled.

“You!!!”, he screamed.

“Yea, it’s me. I want to-”

“If it wasn’t for you, I’d be in Heaven by now. Until I started hanging around with you I was doing okay. Sure, a few little things but hanging around with you put spots all over me. You might be doing it now, for all I know!”

“Oh, come on. We just had a little fun, that’s all”, I told him.

“Yea? That little ‘fun’ got me a black mark everytime we were out running.. I looked it up. The internet here is fabulous, man. You can- hey! Damn it, you distracted me! Oh, no! I just got another mark! Get away from me! I’ll see you after you die! You can’t hurt me then, I hope. Maybe I'll be out of here. Hell, oh, no!... maybe you'll end up in that other place.”

“What other place?”, I asked.

“Oh, no you don't! Beat it! Come on, man, please.”

I spotted my brother. I thought- What’s this? He was only four when he died. What sin could he have committed? I asked what he was doing here in Purgatory.

“My name is Roble”, he replied.

“Yea, I know that. I want to know why you’re here instead of Heaven.”

“My name is Roble”, he replied.

I figured I’d go check out Hell. I didn’t think I had anyone there. At least, I hoped not. If I did, how could I hurt them? The Gates of Hell were hot, smelled of sulfur and unguarded. Who’d want to get in? Since the door only opened one way, no sentinel was needed. I wasn’t about to step inside, of course. I’m not that foolish. I wandered around the border to see if I spotted any familiar faces. The demons followed me around, smiling to beat the devil. That wasn’t a comforting thought, let me tell you. One of them even called to me by name. It was really creepy.

I didn’t recognize anyone. No one looked familiar. No one looked human. To be realy truthful about it, all the denizens looked like Hell.