AOL Time-Warner announced that, in an effort to avoid bankruptcy, they were moving to Guatemala. When informed that only three Guatemalans had any computer knowledge, and they were computer thieves in New York City, quickly announced Plan B.

“We have decided to cut back all unnecessary expenditures. Just turning off the lights that aren’t needed and using 60 watt bulbs will save us a fortune”, said spokesperson Beverly Dilworth. She was then fired.

New spokesperson Wilma Delane said, “We expect the third quarter losses to be half as much as the second quarter. P.S. You’re fired too”

The newer spokesperson, Robert Oldham, announced that “we are going after the deadwood. Not higher management, of course. Someone has to be there to make the decisions that got us to where we are today. Uh, that didn’t come out the way I meant it. Look, if you don’t make 100,000 dollars a year you must not be valuable. So, everyone making less than that is fired. Hey, I only make 90,000 myself.”

When asked if sending out thirty million CD’s a month was worth the effort the corporation announced, in an unsigned, unattributed memo, that they obtained, “eleven new customers that way last year. If they stay with us after the trial period for an average of 231,675 years we will turn a profit. We have to think future on this one.”

When pressed for a reason for anyone to use AOL they found that the person who had the reasons had been fired.