Interesting story out of Huntington, W.Va. The police there arrested 34year-old Lottie May Sands for the suffocation death of 38 year-old Leroy “Roy” Sands. Police spokesman Bobby Sands said,

“We done arrested Lottie May Sands fer the death a Leroy Sands. Ah reckon Ah should say the late Mr. Sands, him bein’ deader'n road kill and all. What? Of course they had ‘em a close relationship. She were on top a him when he died, you asshole! Oh. No, Ah don’t rightly know thet as a yet. Ah know they weren’t no brother and sister. Huh? No, Ah didn’t even know the fat bitch.”.

“The deceased un only weighed- what?. No, he ain’t “allegedly” deceased. Hell, the coroner done drained him like some ole vampire. He went an’ cut him up and stuck his hahd en a damn jar. Take a hell of a man to survive thet. Shit, take a hell of a man to survive Lottie May Sands. She must go 500 pounds”.

“No, he’s not any “alleged” victim so don’t be a startin’ on me. Ya’ll wanna know somethin’. Ah’m gittin’ right pissed off heah and Ah got a gun. Ya’ll might wanna keep thet in yer mind”.

Lottie May Sands said she wasn’t supposed to talk to reporters on the advice of her attorney. She did say that, “Why, Ah nevah weighed no 500 pounds mah whole damn life. Ah watches mah figure right close like. Soon as Ah hit 400 pounds, Ah goes a dietin’.”

She went on to say, “Why were Ah on top? Cause he kep’ fallin’ off and Ah didn’ wanna half ta tie on like some .... Ah don’ wanna go thar.”

Then she added, “Yea, Ah knowed he stopped movin’. Ah thought et were ‘cause he were all done. Well, Ah weren’t so Ah jus’ kept a goin’. Had to really push down hard since they weren’t too much left a him. Hell, weren’t too much a him to begin with. Ah jus’ felt sorry for the little bastard”.

Her attorney said he would have her plead not guilty.

“She didn’t want him dead. She wasn’t finished yet”.