"One lawyer can steal more than a hundred men with guns." - The Godfather

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

A: An offer you can't understand.

Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

A. From chasing parked ambulances.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q. Why are lawyers buried 12 feet underground?

A. Deep down, they're good.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A. The lawyer charges more.

It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

The defendant who pleads their own case has a fool for a client, but at least there will be no problem with fee-splitting.

There was the cartoon showing two people fighting over a cow. One was pulling the cow by the tail; the other was pulling on the horns. Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow.

If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator -- It would be a good idea to just leave them there.