Paul got a part time job at the Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail. Paul separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Paul at the end of his first day. "I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had."
"Thank you, Sir" said Paul, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."
"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?"
Paul replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses."
The Boss asked one worker, "What time did you get back from lunch?"
The employee said, "About a quarter of twelve."
The Boss said, "I saw you coming in at 3 o'clock."
"Well", responded the worker, "Three is a quarter of twelve, isn't it?"
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and is greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter asks the man about his past life and what he did for a living and how much he made. The man told him he was a doctor and made over $300,000 per year. St. Peter was impressed and told him to enter.
A little while later another man is standing at the gates awaiting entry. St. Peter approaches and asks this man the same questions. The man tells St. Peter that he was a farmer, worked hard but made about $40,000 per year. St. Peter was impressed and told the man to enter.
A bit later another man comes up to the gate. St. Peter asks this man to tell him what he made for a living.
The man replies, "I made about $8,000 per year."
St. Peter then asks him, "Which instrument did you play."
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,"Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."