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If all mothers were lawyers All baby girls are named Sue. "If it doesn't fit, you'll grow into it." Favorite bedtime story: Goldilocks and the Tortious Misappropriation of Personal Property Belonging to the Plaintiffs (referred to herein as "The Three Bears"). Perfectly acceptable to assert your Fifth Amendment rights when she asks what you're doing in the bathroom so long. You do have to clean your room, and she will make a federal case out of it. "Your honor, opposing counsel never calls, he never writes!" Finding out there is no sanity clause. "And when I get home I want your room... wait, did you hear an ambulance?" Ally McBeal wouldn't be allowed to leave the courthouse cafeteria until she eats everything on her plate. "Habeas your corpus back in this house right now, you little tortfeasor!" "...If I should die before I wake; Mommy'll sue your ass for negligence. Amen." and the Number 1 Difference if All Mothers Were Lawyers...
"May I approach the witness? He's got a little schmutz on his face."
Q:Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy. Q:What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand. Q.Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A. From chasing parked ambulances. Q.What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night. Q.Why are lawyers buried 12 feet underground? A. Deep down, they're good. Q.What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A. The lawyer charges more.
Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?...
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own
pockets.
The defendant who pleads their own case has a fool for a client, but at
least there will be no problem with fee-splitting.
There was the cartoon showing two people fighting over a cow.
One was pulling the cow by the tail; the other was pulling on the horns.
Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow.
If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator -- It would be a good idea to just leave them there.
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The women were arguing noisily even in the court. The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them said, "We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can't listen to all of you at once. I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. |
