Senior Citizen


I'm the life of the party ... even when it lasts until 8 PM.


I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.


I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.


I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.


I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.


I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.


I'm very good at telling stories ... over and over and over and over.


I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.


I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care.


I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians.


I'm positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.


I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.


I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.


I'm having trouble remembering simple words like........


I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies.


I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.


I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.


I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.


I'm in the initial stage of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA'S, AARP.


I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

Once a young woman married a very wealthy man and they lived many happy years until after about 10 years he passed away, of course leaving her a very wealthy widow.

Still being young after her husband had been dead a few years she met an actor, they married and she saw many Broadway shows, many of which he was the star. They traveled but after they'd been married about 10 years he too passed away. This was 2 husbands she had to bury.

Still being a young woman of about 40, she began going to church. She met their new pastor they fell in love and married, unfortunately after a few years he to passed away. Well, this was her 3rd husband she'd had to bury.

Again still being a desirable woman she met a wonderful man. He was a mortician. After they'd been married about 5 years, she took ill and she passed away.

Some people say...That she married 1 for the money, 2 for the show 3 to get ready and 4 to GO...

The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Johnson will be setting the pace on our morning run.'

With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Johnson was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Johnson will be driving a truck."