Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.

If God had intended for man to use the metric system, Jesus would have only had ten disciples

I see your IQ test results were negative.

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world

The old Cherokee chief sat in his reservation hut, smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two US government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for many generations, you have seen his wars and his products, you have seen all his progress, and all his problems."

The chief nodded.

The official continued, "Considering recent events, in your opinion, where has the white man gone wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then calmly replied: "When white man found this land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo. Plenty beaver. Women did most of the work. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time." The chief smiled, and added quietly, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."