A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer Camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?"

The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother?

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.

Never talk back to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.

Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.

Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.

Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Don't flush the toilet when you're dad's in the shower.

Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes.

Never bug a pregnant mom.

Don't ever be too full for dessert.

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.

Never try to baptize a cat.

Never do pranks at a police station.

Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving.

Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do.

Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand.

Listen to your brain. It has lots of information.

Stay away from prunes.

Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.