Three Catholic women and an older Jewish lady were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'"

The second woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace.'"

The third old woman says "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence.'"

As the little old Jewish lady sips her coffee in silence, the first three give her this subtle "Well...?" So she says: "My son is 6 foot 5 inches tall; he has broad, square shoulders, lean hips and is very muscular; he's terribly handsome, has beautiful hair, dresses very well and always smells wonderful. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, 'Oh, my God.'"

TWO GUYS GET SENT BACK FROM PEARLY GATES

Two guys show up at the pearly gates and St. Peter cannot find their names in his ledger and tells them that until their paper work arrives in two weeks they will have to go back to earth and they must choose what they want to become but they cannot be human. The first guy wants to be an eagle soaring all over the Rockies and poof he is gone. The second guy says, "I know! Make me a stud," and poof he is gone.

Two weeks go by and their paper work arrives and St. Peter calls an angel over to go pick up these two guys. The angel complains that it will be impossible trying to find two people among three billion. St. Peter explains that it won't be hard at all because one is an eagle soaring over the Rockies, and the other is in a snow tire in Michigan.

A man was wandering in the woods pondering all the questions of life, universe, and his own personal problem. The man could not find any answers so he sought help from God.

"God!? God?! Are you there God?!", he shouted.

God responded, "What is it my son?"

"I have a few questions, mind if I ask?"

"Go right ahead, my son..anything.", God said

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "a million years to me is only a second".

"Hmmm", he wondered. Then he asked again, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"

God said, "a million dollars to me is only worth a penny."

The man lifted his eyebrows and proceeded to ask a final question. "God can I have a penny?"

And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....in a second".