A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.

"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"

"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.

"Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.

"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."

"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun asked.

"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun."

"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters'. They are married to God."

"Wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

A preacher was winding up his temperance sermon with great fervor:

"If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And the congregation cried "Amen!"

"If I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And the congregation cried "Amen!"

"If I had all the whiskey and demon rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it into the river."

And the congregation cried "Hallelujah!".

The preacher sat down. The song leader stood very tentatively and announced:

"For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather At The River."