A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.

He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after trying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bull's-eyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd.

An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bull's-eyes and was given another turtle.

Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three times. Once more he had scored threebull's-eyes . But this time there was an onlooker with good eyesight.

"That's fantastic", the man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls?"

The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to the target and inspecting it closely.

"Yes, sir!" he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic! Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this magnificent 68-piece set of glassware!"

"I don't want any bloody glasses", the drunk replied. "Give me another one of those little crusty meat pies!"

A man was walking around a new town, looking for a place to eat, when he spotted a restaurant called "Anything You Want." A notice on the window read "We can fix any dish you ask for - if we don't have it, you will be paid $200."

Thinking this was a pretty good deal, the man went in and sat down at a table. The waitress came over to take his order. He said, "I'll have roast elephant on rye bread, and hold the mayo."

She snapped her gum, stuck her pencil back in her hair and walked into the kitchen.

All of a sudden, the man heard screaming and yelling, pots and pans being thrown, and dishes breaking. The kitchen door slammed open as the owner came charging out. He put two one-hundred dollar bills on the table, and said "I can't believe it. I've been in business here for ten years, and this is the first time I've run out of rye bread!"