Should've Known

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen had to be a girl. We should've known! Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and not get lost.

This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?"

But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me!?"

A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"

Two guys were out hiking in the woods when the came across an angry grizzly bear protecting two of her cubs. The bear rose up on its paws and started growling at the two men, who froze in their tracks. One of the guys reaches in to his pack to pull out his sneakers and starts to put them on. The other guy looks at him and says, "Why are you putting on your sneakers, you can't outrun that bear."

"Of course, I can't outrun the bear," replies the friend, " but all I have to do is outrun you."

A guy is sitting in a bar when someone comes in and asks, which person owns a German Shepherd. The guy replies that the shepherd is his and asks why he wants to know. "Well," said the person, "my chihuahua just killed your dog."

"What! How can your tiny chihuahua have killed my big strong German Shepherd?"

"That's easy, he got stuck in his throat."