A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million."

The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million."

The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will - well you were wrong. Hi, Dan!"

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?"

"No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."

A lawyer interviews for a position with a big firm. One of the partners tells him that if he comes to work with the firm he will have to sell his soul to make a large sum of money. The new lawyer replies, "yes, but what's the catch?"

A guy walks into a bar, sits down at the counter and orders a beer. After the beer arrives, he starts complaining out loud to anyone who would listen about all lawyers being idiots. A guy sitting at the end of the bar overhears his complaints and starts to object. The complainer looks at him and disgustingly says, "I suppose you are a lawyer."

"No," replied the man, "I'm an idiot."