Three race horses were bragging about their race averages.

"I won 5 out of 20 races" said the first horse.

"Oh yea! I won 15 out of my 30" said the second.

"Hah! I won 50 out of 60" said the third.

Hiding behind a hay bail, a greyhound was listening in on the conversation. He steps into view and says. "Well I won 99 out of 100 of my races"

The third horse looks at the second horse and says "WOW!!...A talking dog!"

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg. The man then reached in his pocket and took out a doggie biscuit.

A busybody who had been watching ran up to him and said, "You shouldn't do that. He'll never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that!"

The blind man responded, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find his mouth so that I can kick him in the butt!"